Depression Support: 5 Ways to Help
I have heard over and over the more I talk with people that they have at one point struggled with depression (seasonal, postpartum, etc.) and no one understood. It’s time we change that. Depression is too serious a thing to not understand even how to help notice signs and offer support. Do you agree? Then keep reading…
First let me say that I am talking from experience with this post. Maybe it surprises you to know that I suffered from seasonal and postpartum depression. The one that surprised me the most was after my second child and I hadn’t experienced any PPD with my first. So that leads me to my first point.
- The person you are supporting may not even understand they are depressed. About 8 weeks after my Henry was born I remember breaking down in the bathroom and telling my husband I think I was battling depression. It was a feeling I had felt for a few weeks but hadn’t wanted to admit. I don’t know why I didn’t want to admit it but I think it is a common feeling and could possibly come with a certain stigma of shame. It’s wrong, but its true. My husband was really patient with me as we talked that day and can I tell you, that was SO helpful.
- Be a friend. This may sound really stupid and self explanatory but I think there is a weird assumption going around that moms or other people are just “so busy” and you don’t want to bother them. Trust me, if you bother them, you will know. Reach out to your friends and let them know you are thinking about them, praying for them, something reminded you of them, etc. Especially if you aren’t sure whether someone is battling through a rough season, reach out and let them know you care. It takes 3 seconds but yet we never do it.
- Allow for time doing something enjoyable. Let me explain… after having a second baby I felt like my whole world was feeding children and cleaning the house. I usually felt more “normal” after doing an activity that didn’t involve my kids. I don’t want you to take that as being a bad mom, but I believe that if your mental health isn’t stable your relationships are going to struggle. After taking a brief break from the kids I would feel more refreshed to come back and play too!
- Don’t try and “fix” it. The best thing to do is to listen and ask thought-provoking questions. I know it is my serious temptation to “fix” any problem that someone else has, but that isn’t what they need. Trust me, I’m speaking from experience on both ends here. Instead, as a follow up question or ask if there is anything you can do to make it easier or help or better yet, JUST listen.
- Take a step back. Don’t back away from the person, but rather back away from some things that might preoccupy your time and jeopardize your relationship. Maybe you have over-committed and you need to step back for everyone’s well being. Also, always be alert for when you need to step back and let mental health professionals help. If treatment is the best option for your friend/spouse encourage them and help the transition.
Depression is a really overwhelming sense and can either result in a stronger mentality or a life-changing struggle. Its important to always be supportive and seek external help if it goes beyond your ability to help. More than anything though, if you have struggled with depression, come to a place of honesty about it.
I feel very grateful that I have a great support system and my faith keeps me rooted in life. I thank God that he has kept me from harm and has seen fit to give me an opportunity to encourage others through my pain. I always say that God never wastes any pain. So I am making the choice to not waste it. Maybe it will help just one person.
Only Love, Keri